Hey There, Little Dude.
You are still swimming laps in the womb. This makes sense to most people, since your mother has only been pregnant for 34 weeks. According to the kind folks at the hospital, you still got about six weeks of cooking left. I have higher standards, baby.
Because you read this blog regularly, you know that I was born 10 weeks early. After 30 solid weeks of pregnancy, I knew that my body could withstand the rigors of everyday life. Yes, I may have needed multiple blood transfusions, a fancy incubator, and a machine that alerted the neighborhood when my lungs stopped working. Still, I am a survivor. As of now, you are living in my shadow. Enjoy being fully developed. It's overrated.
Dear Little Baby,
Your mother and I have close friends that are expecting a baby three days after your due date. You will know them, and you will like their babies.
One day, while the two moms were discussing ultrasounds, baby showers, and assorted pregnancy experiences, my friend Jimmy privately shared a thought provoking idea. We were discussing the possible perks of having children born on the same day, and Jimmy joked about having joint delivery rooms.
Light bulbs went on. Windows shattered. The world changed. Of course, I had pictured a nightmare. I imagined a couple of self-obsessed dudes high-fiving each other and eating snacks as their wives did all the work. That was when I realized that I know some guys who would love to transform the birth of their baby into a raucous “Guys Night” of epic proportions.
So listen up, all you strangers out there that like to read my baby's letters. This blog post is not just for the baby. Marketers should pay close attention. This could get big. Next time you all pick up an edition of the book Stuff White People Like and peruse the fads of young bored Caucasian hipsters, don’t be surprised if you find Joint Delivery Rooms on page 76. The spread could feature pictures of bearded men pounding fists, clinking beverages, and playing Settlers of Catan as their wives pump out babies. Of course, each party would allow for creativity and individual expression. Guys might assemble a game system and play Rock Band, or go with classic Karaoke. Mothers would be asked to sing their verses between contractions, and everyone would feel included. An uplifting clown would be provided for the children, since those kids will get awfully depressed when they discover that the baby is coming to devour all of their attention and candy.
Baby, I know what you are thinking, and I agree. I fully admit that this would be ludicrous, impractical, terribly uncomfortable and selfish, but it was nonetheless fun to imagine a couple of naïve bros planning a terrible baby delivery double-header. If anyone ever decides to indulge the lively machinations of this expectant father and revolutionize childbirth, they should feel free to take all the credit.
As for reality, I have no idea what your birth day will hold for us, apart from wonderful memories and exhaustion. I am certain, however, that I could never plan the events of that day. I look forward to being surprised and blown away by the mystery. No preparation or sideshow could detract from the miracle, and I am inclined to ride the wave and watch as your mother does something incredible. And of course, you will perform admirably as well.
See you soon, baby. Get ready for a party.
Stories and Letters
This Dad Blog was originally written as a collection of letters to my child, chronicling my awesomeness and warning of the chaos to come. Now that children reside in my home, it also includes essays on successes, failures, and lessons learned... and humiliating pictures... as well as rants, jokes, short stories and random videos. Read stuff!
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