Over the course of my happy and not-so-long life, I have developed a list of food items that I find irresistible, consisting of foods that I have consumed while living and travelling within the U.S. I recently shared this list with Oliver, and he surprisingly responded with "Oh snap, dad. Me too. I have a rich and complex pallet." I have asked him to share some of his favorite foods here, alongside my own. Here they are, in no particular order.
What Dad Likes To Eat
What Oliver Likes To Eat
1. Arturo's Puffy Taco in La Habra, CA
Carne asada, grease, salsa, some more grease. This tastes like Los Angeles, and Los Angeles is delicious.
1. My Fist
There is a reason why my legs are not in the picture. I already ate them.
2. Barbecue Chicken Boli from Stuff Yer Face in New Brunswick, New Jersey
This stromboli is inarguably one of the greatest things ever created by humankind, right behind the Egyptian pyramids and the Snuggie.
2. This Trash Can
It is shiny, it occasionally is lathered in crusty spilled food , and I can see the reflection of my face while I lick it. What's not to like?
3. Pastrami Sandwich from Hoagie Haven in Princeton, New Jersey.
These sandwiches are intelligent, slightly elitist, and very delicious. Thanks, Princeton.
3. The space between the couch
and the carpet
Dad likes burritos with anything in them. I like this small crevice in the same way.
4. Phở from OB Noodle House
in Ocean Beach, San Diego
I know, I know. This can be purchased anywhere, and your Vietnamese friend's mother can do a better job than this place. You are wrong. I am right. Slurp it.
4. This Computer Cord
I never get to taste it for very long. Shocking. Dad and mom pull it out of my hands right before I can get it in my mouth. The mystery makes it more delicious.
5. Mary's Donuts in Santee, CA
This place makes fried burritos with fruit filling. Who cares? They make donuts.
5. This fake gorilla, found next to real gorillas at the San Diego Zoo
Too early to give an honest critique. I want to eat a real gorilla and then compare the two.
6. Fettuccine Alfredo from Cucina Italiana in San Diego
The alfredo sauce is thicker than mud. Yes, that is a good thing.
6. The earth
I was tempted to write "dirt" or "grass" or "flowers," but why limit my options?
7. California Burrito from Santana's
in San Diego
This place eventually switched names and became more popular. Like P-Diddy.
7. Wheels from my stroller
These wheels bring me more earth.
8. Bottle Room Burgers from
The Bottle Room in Whittier, CA.
These burgers come with grilled onions and blue cheese. And happiness. They come with happiness.
8. Eye Glasses
I don't know what Laser Eye Surgery is, but I bet it doesn't taste nearly as good as these things.
9. Pizza from Pizzamania
in Whittier, CA
This list makes me hungry. Somebody order pizza.
9. Tags from under the rug
Jay-Z made a song entirely about tags. He totally gets me.